Going through a break up and I can’t cry one tear anymore because i’m dried out. just trying to cope now.
Tomorrow I turn 24 and my plans are to stay in bed and watch sailor moon.
I feel just like going to sleep just to never wake up.
I made people in my life so important and what did i get nothing? did i expect anything from them no I never did. Yet when you tell me i’m extremely important, that you love me and don’t want to lose me. I believe that shit. In the other hand when I get pushed away when i need someone. Clearly no one is there. When I see all those facebook status that clearly hurt me because no matter what anyone else does they have those same people that clearly stated when i need you you’ll be there. When they piss you off you kiss their ass i didnt do shit and i get what ignored. I can take so much until the moment when i’m sitting here ranting because I have to suffer alone because i am alone. Ive been alone forever and i get it. I just want to be able to not be in pain anymore stop it completely nor have to keep feeling guilty because those who i love don’t understand that i’m so close to giving up on life it’s scaring me.
When life gets hard I realize how alone i am. I can’t keep pretending i’m as strong as i used to be. All of the things that have been going on have finally taken a toll on me. No matter how hard i try to act like everything is fine and I dont need anyones help i do. This depression is going to be the death of me sooner or later.
We’ve been together 3 months will be 4 months in a week exactly. We have had plenty of fights. Yet after each we grow closer and stronger. I’ve lived things i never thought i would honestly live through.
I can honestly say i love him more than i taught it would be possible to love someone. Things happen for a reason. He walked in when i stopped looking. Never did i think that 6 months ago that he would be this important to me.
Yet at the end of the day our relationship has its ups and its downs but knowing what i know now. Having lived what i lived now with him I’m glad i let my walls down and took that risk.
Bf : fav animal?
Me: bunnies
Bf: second fav?
Me: ducks
Bf: third fav?
Me: puppies
Bf: Make it hard
Animals that is like a house pet
Me: pandas
Bf: okay lol
I make everything so hard for my bf lol i was seriously going to start naming animals from the zoo.
I need friends who are girls who wont back stab me is that too much to ask for?
It really doesn’t matter what people say their actions speak louder than their words. Sometimes you need to remember that i will get tiered of being there all the time. I don’t expect a lot but what i expect is lacking now.
Sooner or later I had to realize that certain people who I considered friends were beyond toxic. Never had I imagine the Pain they would cause in my life. How a simple lie they spoke could destroy some of the things I had worked so hard for. I wonder why yet now I really don’t care because the evil they spew only made me stronger even thou it hurt like hell. Now I know what I want and need a friend to be like. Regardless I’m thankful I found out before it went to far.
I’m Back
I forgot my password and couldn’t log on which reminded me that I needed to update my email >.
I swear everyone is acting like i’m invisible or I died.
Buckets of paint in my possesion might equal awesome times depending on what I do with them :)
I can sure fake a smile ;)